Fedor vs Cro Cop. Shogun vs Nogueira. Wanderlei vs Rampage. Akiyama vs Sadollah.
The Saitama Super Arena in Japan is home to countless MMA classics. You should probably just watch those instead.
But you won’t because you’re a degenerate piece of shit. It’s Friday night, let’s get shitfaced and watch two fat idiots punch each other in the face at 5 in the morning. It's fitting this card takes place the same week Godzilla came out on video; two giants are going to throw down in Japan and it's not going to last longer than 8 minutes.
Mark Hunt vs Roy Nelson
Mark Hunt dyes his hair blonde before all of his fights in tribute to Dragon Ball Z, going into the cage like a Super Saiyan. When camp started he tipped the scales at 340, meaning he ate like Goku he forgot to train like him. So a fighter with a history of terrible cardio had to frantically cut weight just to hit 264. Japanese MMA, how I've missed you.
I would love for this to be a true DBZ fight. I'd love five rounds of powering up as they stand in the middle and punch the everloving shit out of each other and for it to end when Mark Hunt witnesses Krillin exploding and he punches Roy Nelson in half. Unfortunately it will end with Hunt's corner being forced to throw in the towel after Mark falls asleep on the stool after round 2.
Roy Nelson by not being 400 pounds
Takanori Gomi vs Myles Jury
Myles Jury by soul crushing, heart wrenching knockout
Yoshihiro Akiyama vs Amir Sadollah
Amir Sadollah by decision or TKO or a submission who cares none of this matters
Rin Nakai vs Miesha Tate
Miesha Tate by however she wants
Kiichi Kunimoto vs Richard Walsh
Kiichi's Delivery Service by unanimous decision
Kyoji Horiguchi vs Jon Delos Reyes
Kyoji Horiguchi by I don't know who cares it doesn't matter I'm going to forget who he is the second he's off my screen
That's that, a terrible card that will inevitably have some good fights so people can say "you see, the worst looking cards are always the best" as if that somehow negates this entire God awful business model.
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