UFC Fight Night 52 Picks & Preview: Anime is Real

Fedor vs Cro Cop. Shogun vs Nogueira. Wanderlei vs Rampage. Akiyama vs Sadollah. 

The Saitama Super Arena in Japan is home to countless MMA classics. You should probably just watch those instead. 

But you won’t because you’re a degenerate piece of shit. It’s Friday night, let’s get shitfaced and watch two fat idiots punch each other in the face at 5 in the morning. It's fitting this card takes place the same week Godzilla came out on video; two giants are going to throw down in Japan and it's not going to last longer than 8 minutes. 

Mark Hunt vs Roy Nelson

This is a fight that doesn’t make any sense, probably doesn’t need to happen, and won’t have any impact on the title picture. But holy shit am I glad I get to see it. Mark Hunt agreed to this fight while drunk and saw "Main Event" and "Saitama" and just assumed he had been entered into a Super Hulk Tournament and it was time to take down Minowaman once and for all. Boy was his face red when he realized the mistake he'd made. 

Mark Hunt dyes his hair blonde before all of his fights in tribute to Dragon Ball Z, going into the cage like a Super Saiyan. When camp started he tipped the scales at 340, meaning he ate like Goku he forgot to train like him. So a fighter with a history of terrible cardio had to frantically cut weight just to hit 264. Japanese MMA, how I've missed you.

I would love for this to be a true DBZ fight. I'd love five rounds of powering up as they stand in the middle and punch the everloving shit out of each other and for it to end when Mark Hunt witnesses Krillin exploding and he punches Roy Nelson in half. Unfortunately it will end with Hunt's corner being forced to throw in the towel after Mark falls asleep on the stool after round 2. 

Roy Nelson by not being 400 pounds

 

Takanori Gomi vs Myles Jury

The top 3 fights on the card all take me back to a simpler time called 2005. You don't truly appreciate what you have until it's gone. Get out of school, pop my copy of Meteora into my skip-free CD player, and banana board my way home to watch Megas XLR and chug Mountain Dews so I can stay up all night and watch The Fireball Kid and Sexyama get insane knockouts overseas. But it's not 2005, so Gomi is going to lose and start everyone's weekend out with a huge bummer. 

Myles Jury by soul crushing, heart wrenching knockout

Yoshihiro Akiyama vs Amir Sadollah

I'm looking forward to Sexyama getting a nice paycheck to fight in the UFC in Japan. I'm not looking forward to watching a fighter who I thought got cut 4 years ago punch an old leather purse to death. Both of them are bad fighters who wouldn't make the main card of most Bellator shows, but only one of them got outstruck by the dynamic striker that is Jake Shields. 

Amir Sadollah by decision or TKO or a submission who cares none of this matters

Rin Nakai vs Miesha Tate

Miesha Tate wins this easily, right? She has to. She finishes this early, racks up one or two more wins, then gets dumpstered by Ronda Rousey for the hat trick. There's a 99% chance that's what happens, but never say never to Death By Snoo Snoo.

Miesha Tate by however she wants

 

Kiichi Kunimoto vs Richard Walsh

Richard Walsh lost in the house on something called TUF Nations, yet somehow is fighting on the main card of a UFC show. Please, keep insisting the UFC isn't running too many shows.

Kiichi's Delivery Service by unanimous decision 

Kyoji Horiguchi vs Jon Delos Reyes

I don't know or care who these people are so I'm going with the guy whose name sounds like gooch. 

Kyoji Horiguchi by I don't know who cares it doesn't matter I'm going to forget who he is the second he's off my screen

That's that, a terrible card that will inevitably have some good fights so people can say "you see, the worst looking cards are always the best" as if that somehow negates this entire God awful business model.