Hespect Hangover #2 - It Only Took Mark Hunt 1 Episode to Turn Super Saiyan

If Uncle Dana thinks starting shows at the ass crack of dawn is going to keep me from getting embarrassingly drunk for the main event he is sorely mistaken

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UFC Fight Night 52 Picks & Preview: Anime is Real

Fedor vs Cro Cop. Shogun vs Nogueira. Wanderlei vs Rampage. Akiyama vs Sadollah. 

The Saitama Super Arena in Japan is home to countless MMA classics. You should probably just watch those instead. 

But you won’t because you’re a degenerate piece of shit. It’s Friday night, let’s get shitfaced and watch two fat idiots punch each other in the face at 5 in the morning. It's fitting this card takes place the same week Godzilla came out on video; two giants are going to throw down in Japan and it's not going to last longer than 8 minutes. 

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UFC Fight Night 48 & 49 Picks & Preview: UFC Dares Me Not To Watch Both Cards. Challenge Accepted.

When Dana White says the China shows are for China, he’s not fucking kidding. At the very least, you can give the UFC credit for not even pretending you’re supposed to care about anyone or anything on that card. Now join me as I grab both sides of my chair and white-knuckle my way through this preview without saying something inexplicably racist. 

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UFC Fight Night 47 Picks & Preview - Haha Very Funny Guys. Seriously Though, What's the Main Event?

Fuck Bones Jones vs Cormier. Fuck Silva vs Diaz. We've got your superfight right here. At the grand daddy of 'em all - Bangor, Maine - the man of the hour, too sweet to be sour: Ryan...Bader? Fuck

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Hespect Hangover #1 - Recap of UFC on FOX 12, Bellator 122, and More

This weekend we saw not one but two MMA veterans get knocked the fuck out, a can’t-possibly-be-bad fight that actually ended up delivering, and we said goodbye to one of the best months of MMA in recent memory with back to back cards full of people beating the shit out of each other. 

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UFC on FOX 12 Picks & Predictions - In a World Where Daron Cruickshank Is Fighting On Prime Time Network Television

UFC on FOX 12: Lawler vs Brown
July 26, 2014
SAP Center - San Jose, California

Main Card (FOX) 8 PM EST

• Robbie Lawler vs Matt Brown
• Anthony Johnson vs Antonio Rogerio Nogueira
• Clay Guida vs Dennis Bermudez
• Bobby Green vs Josh Thomson

Prelims (FOX) 6 PM EST

• Daron Cruickshank vs Jorge Masvidal
• Patrick Cummins vs Kyle Kingsbury
• Tim Mean vs Hernani Perpetuo
• Mike De La Torre vs Brian Ortega 

Prelims (Fight Pass) 4:15 PM EST

• Akbarh Arreola vs Tiago Trator
• Gilbert Burns vs Andreas Stahl
• Juliana Lima vs Joanna Jedrzejczyk
• Noad Lahat vs Steven Siler

The best month of MMA we've seen in a long time comes to an end with a night of exciting fighters. And Clay Guida.

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Bellator 122 Picks & Predictions - Phil Baroni On Your Television In 2014 And It's Not A Postmortem Steroid Investigation

In what seemingly happened overnight, Bellator has become the land of misfit fighters with Melvin Manhoef, Paul Daley, Cheick Kongo, Bobby Lashley, Rampage Jackson, Tito Ortiz, Karo Parisyan, and Phil Baroni. When you see UFC saturating the market with events every weekend and promoting every single fight as the greatest test [insert champion] has ever faced, why try to compete on that level? Fuck it, just throw a bunch of crazy people on basic cable with a live mic and see what happens. God willing one day we’ll see Rampage vs Kimbo Slice. 

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UFC Fight Night 45 Picks & Predictions: The Closest A Cowboy Will Ever Get To A Title In This Decade

A Wednesday Fight Night. It hearkens back to the days of flipping through TV alone on the couch with nothing to do and landing on Spike TV and seeing 2 dudes beat the absolute shit out of each other. Unfortunately, this isn't Spike TV. Nobody is going to accidentally come across this and tell all their friends because about the guy in the Cowboy hat kicking the other guy in the face. That's because nobody is going to come across this. I've had FOX Sports 1 since the channel debuted and I'm still not entirely sure it really exists. For all I know it's some Truman Show-esque elaborate setup to force me to watch Justin Salas for America's amusement. 

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It's Too Late For A Recap But Holy Shit I Only Got 1 Fight Wrong

It's way too late to put up any sort of recap or postfight analysis, because honestly what could I say at this point that hasn't already been said. You all know Rousey murdered that poor girl, an Aggie got destroyed in front of 20 people, Brimage came out looking like Vegeta but left like Nappa, and America triumphed over all. So instead of just leaving this blank, why not gloat about myself. I wrote that shit drunk in the middle of the afternoon the day of the fight, and the only fight I got wrong ended with George Roop falling over like a tree. Not only that, but my Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique prediction was eerily accurate, as Stephan Struve took five steps and collapsed before he could even make it to the Octagon. Fear my powers.

In all sincerity though I apologize for this half assed post. This site is clearly still a work in progress and things did not go smoothly for me or my writing partner. There simply wasn't going to be enough content until tomorrow - 3 days after the fight - and I'm not here to waste your time. 

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UFC 175 Picks: Red, White, and Fuck You, Rest of the World

Man, I haven’t been this excited for a UFC card since that white-knuckler from the other side of the world at 4 in the morning. I’m excited to grill, drink, listen to my dog yelp at the sound of fireworks, and watch these grown ass men throw some bungalows. You can dump that fucking World Cup bullshit in the Boston Harbor, because around here the only red card we need is red-blooded Americans all over this card ready to punch each other in their stupid fucking faces just like our founding fathers would have wanted. 

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